She-Bears, Chocolates and Lost Heads

The History of Valentine's Day

by David Williams

The Feast of St. Valentine celebrates the martyrdom of two priests who were both beheaded on the Flaminian Way at Rome, Italy. According to the legend, a priest and physician named Valentine was beheaded during the reign and persecution of Claudius II on February 14, 269 AD. Then, a year later, another priest with the name Valentine, the Bishop of Terni, was also beheaded on the Flaminian Way at Rome, Italy. Some scholars believe that it's possible that the stories of the two priests are actually different developments of the same account.

So, how did this particular day evolve into an unofficial holiday that's observed by exchanging flowers and sweets?

At first the connection may seem a little far fetched. However, if you really think about it, the celebration of love on a day when two martyrs lost their heads makes perfect sense.

• Didn't the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland yell, "Off with their heads!" -- more than once! Lewis Carroll could have picked the Queen of Clubs to be this tyrant. But he didn't.

• Doesn't the female praying mantis bite off the head of the male after mating?

• Doesn't the female Black Widow spider kill the male after mating?

Enough about storybook characters, entomology and arachnids! Don't we all lose our heads when we fall in love?

Maybe this is a gender thing, but do males have cause to be a little paranoid? Could Rudyard Kipling's poem, The Female of the Species have merit? Ironically, Even though Kipling was branded an anti-feminist because of his imperialist tendencies, most Americans first read The Female of the Species in The Ladies' Home Journal. Maybe Kipling was a little harsh on women, but then again, maybe he forgot the roses on St. Valentine's day and knows what he's talking about.

"Wait," you say. What does Kipling have to do with St. Valentine's Day? One could view February 14th as a recognized day of truce in the ongoing battle of the sexes. A day when no heads will roll unless some poor sap forgets the flowers or chocolates. And, because of this outrageous and contrived association, we can now share a few verses from The Female of the Species in the name of story telling. Enjoy.

The Female of the Species (A Natural History)

Verse 1

When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Verse 2

When Nag, the wayside cobra, hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can,
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Verse 4

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him is not his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other's tale --
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Speaking of he-bears, she-bears and other animals, did you know that according to old legend, birds choose their mates on St. Valentine's Day?

By the way, there is no closing to this story. After today we all go back to the war. Don't you just love it!

She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not...

Retorts, attacks and contrary opinions welcome and expected. Email David Williams.

• Cyrano Server
  If you're short on sweet nothings for that special someone, Cyrano offers help writing Valentines. And, if you discover that you made a mistake, he'll help you break up.

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