Pet Loss, Euthanasia & Grief Support

The grief associated with the loss of a beloved pet may equal that associated with the loss of a human loved one. One of the most important goals at the Cat Care Clinic is to understand and respect the human-animal bond, and the impact that pet loss can have.

For many of us, our pets are our best friends. They give us unconditional love and loyalty, which often cannot or is not provided by the humans we interact with. Studies indicate that many people see their relationships with their pet as more positive and less anxious than those with other people. For many persons, a companion animal may provide crucial social support. It has been shown that people that live with companion animals reportedly have improved overall health and fewer visits to physicians. Elderly pet owners also have lowered blood pressure and triglycerides, reduced depression, and greatly increased survival times after heart attacks as compared to elderly people that do not have pets. Pets also foster social and verbal interaction among children, and contribute to nurturing behavior and responsibility in children. Many children feel that they can turn to a pet when they are not understood or welcomed by others. "...pets provide continued companionship and overcome the deleterious effects of loneliness." In a study on the importance of pet attachment, pet owners viewed their pets as "extremely important", "a full family member", and "a source of comfort".

How to Prepare for Pet Loss

Research shows that being prepared diminishes the intensity of grief. Anticipating the death - and the loss BEFORE the death occurs - aids the healing process. In addition, stress and depression affect our ability to think clearly, so it helps to understand all the available options and have a written "plan" of your family's decisions in advance to ensure that your wishes are met at those final moments.

It is especially important that the person(s) most attached to the cat be included in the decision. The plan should include what to look for to decide when it's time to euthanize, where and how this procedure should be done, and what should happen with the remains. Although the decision to euthanize is a very difficult one, it is a kind and compassionate one. Your pet relys on you for everything. This includes deciding if and when to administer a painless death. We encourage your to talk with us about these decisions, and communication with family, friends and clergyman are also encouraged.

What about children?

Children should be included in talks about what to expect and should be prepared for pet loss. Children should be told the truth in terms that they understand. Trying to protect children by hiding information or lying can lead to mistrust and/or fear.

Using terms such as "putting to sleep" and "went to sleep" can be frightening and misleading. Telling kids falsehoods such as the cat died during surgery or was taken to a farm can increase fear and unanswered questions. Clients should encourage their children to talk about their feelings, and to make sure that the child does not think that the death of the pet is their fault. Children should be allowed a grieving period too; parents mistakenly think that immediately replacing the lost pet with another will make kids feel better. It is best to wait until the child expresses when they are interested in another pet.

2-5 year olds: Children of this age group don't have a good grasp of what death is.

Don't go into unnecessary details. Look at pictures of the cat together or let the child draw pictures to encourage communication.

8-12 years old: Children of this age group are aware of death and sometimes have exaggerated fears. Don't force them to talk, but encourage them to open up. Keep your words simple and honest. Those wishing can discuss spirituality and religious beliefs.

Teenagers: This age group needs the space to mourn in their own way.

Do the other pets grieve?

There are pets that grieve, looking through the house for their companion and/or anorexic and depressed. We can help them too by giving the remaining pets more attention, thereby helping both the people and the pets. It is usually not best to race out and get another pet immediately, stressing the remaining pets by both the loss and then a usually unwanted addition. There are some cats that seem to rejoice over the loss of a "top" cat; I have personally observed this in my own home. It helps to let clients know that this is OK for a cat that has been dominated over for years to all of a sudden feel freedom.

Options for euthanasia

Euthanasia means "good death" - it is the act of causing death without pain, an act of kindness for a suffering pet or one with a poor quality of life unresolvable by medical intervention. It is a very humane and pain-free act.

Options for the remains

At-home burial - zoning laws in Madison now allow this option. The box should be lined with a plastic liner, but the owners can bring a blanket or towel to place the animal on if they wish, as well as any other belongings of the pet they would like to bury.

Pet cemeteries - these should be on deeded land to avoid disruption.

Group cremation vs. private cremation - I offer the options of getting the ashes back or not. If people ask what happens if you do not get ashes back, we need to be gently honest - that the cremation is done together with other animals. Private cremation assures that the pet will be cremated by itself, and that the clients will get their own pet's ashes back.

Necropsy (autopsy) can be done regardless of what is done with the remains, and the necropsy can be done cosmetically if the owners are taking the remains or if they request it.

Many people are comforted knowing what will happen to their pet in the case of the pet owner(s) death. Provisions should be made in Wills. We have available information on Wills that specifically indicate who should care for the cat or what will happen in the event of the death of the person or peoples.

How to memorialize the pet

There are many ways that a pet can be memorialized after death (see examples below). Any and all of these can help comfort you and remind you of the good times together.

The stages of grief

The stages of grief are either:

Guilt - Anger - Depression - Lethargy - Denial - Bargaining - Anger - Depression - Acceptance.

The newer stages are defined as:

Shock - Disorganization - Reconstruction

Deciding to get a new pet

In some cases, it may be helpful to introduce a new cat into the household before euthanasia is needed to prevent coming home to an empty house. Having another pet to care for and to continue to feel "needed" can help the healing process. However, each person is different and some people need time to grieve. Getting a new pet is never a replacement for a previous beloved companion. To the contrary, continuing the circle of life, and providing love and good care to another pet, can be a wonderful tribute to the great love that you shared with the beloved friend that is gone.

Pet Loss Support Hotlines, Web Links and Books